Mind blank. Work as in training is dull. Nothing new happening anywhere. No BFs. No one proposed. No one inquiring about me. Relatives as good as dead. No great news awaited. In short life has come to a standstill. Except for sleep, there is nothing to look forward too. I’m idle and still not bored to the core? Not good.
It’s not good, isn’t it? I don’t crave for food anymore. There is something wrong with my system. I feel like having something cold for drinking, that’s it. Still I thirst for more. But don’t feel like taking anything solid food, don’t know why. Just eating at odd times nowadays and that too for the heck of it.
Yeah, dad knows. Finally informed him after giving subtle hints the whole month of April. As usual he panicked and I’m more tensed. As he started giving calls one after the anothe asking more details, inquiring about my next plan of action, how I am and all.
I went for complete beauty treatment at parlor for relaxing which finally backfired.
Why did I even think of giving call back to dad’s sms and blurting out the truth?
Grr..now entire night both of us will be tossing and turning in our beds thinking about tomorrow at our respective places.
I’m going to face final 3 ORTs which will decide my fate in the project. If I succeed I’m in and might hit production. If not, I’m out of project not sure if that means out of company as well. For a change I don’t feel like taking tension as I’m disgusted sitting idle and whatever the result is, I will be doing something. That means I will be active and idle days will be over.Somewhere I’m pissed off too, can’t pinpoint the exact reason though.
Yeah, unbelievable yet true. As I’m in training. There s nothing to do whole day, except stare at other’s systems. Wasted time. All managers and supervisors were busy planning parties outside office, so either they were physically absent or mentally. It was good actually. The day flew very fast. Was feeling light and relaxed on Friday – that’s a first after months may be. Usually It used be like this in my previous project.
One slight disturbance in the whole day or highlight that stood out :-
I was actually working from someone else’s system when suddenly the manager rose from his seat and stood behind me to check what i was upto. He called me by my name and asked,”Are you taking chats?”
I was startled and when I looked up I saw his face looking intently at me. Went blank for a second but later on did get my courage back to inform I was actually working under someone’s supervision and wasn’t logged in my system.
He just listened and went away. Don’t know whether he approved or disapproved what I did.Anyways, Deepu will be informing me that on Monday I’m pretty sure about that.
Something wrong with these two months, I dare say. During the month of Dec, I feel emotionally very low. Hit rock bottom. Chocolates and cakes are my soulmates around that time. But May is worse in its own way. The heat makes you irritable, you are at your worst in terms of emotions. And people around you all of a sudden try to be at their nasty best and can push you at the very edge. Phew! I would love to remove these 2 months not only from calender but also from my life, but not possible 😦 Too bad.
Suddenly feeling unsecure and panicky. It seems I’m going to lose my job and feeling nervous. Having nightmares and life is again hanging by a thread. What to do? Thinking of again doing job hunt by naukri / monster before I’m unemployed full time. Wish me luck!